


Unnatural (Or Maybe Not?)

by Talvenhenki



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Julian is sad, Post-Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: After Julian's parents leave DS9, Jadzia and Julian talk over dinner.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Jadzia Dax
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	Unnatural (Or Maybe Not?)

**Author's Note:**

> I did not like the end of Doctor Bashir, I Presume, so I wrote a fix-it. I will probably write a lot more angst about this topic because it makes me mad

Jadzia was gesturing wildly as she told Julian about her latest scientific discovery. They were having dinner at Quark’s at Jadzia’s invitation – she’d probably noticed Julian’s gloominess after his parents had left the station – but Julian was beginning to notice that he wasn’t really hungry. The couscous at Quark’s was better than the one at the replimat, but Julian simply had no appetite for it. Or, should he say, he’d had no appetite for anything after his parents’ visit and the failed LMH project.

The worst part was that Julian didn’t really mind about the LMH; the program had not felt like him. No, it was his parents that wouldn’t leave his mind.

“ _Julian_!”

Jadzia’s voice brought Julian out of his reverie. He looked up, meeting her worried gaze with his tired eyes. She frowned, crossing her arms, and shook her head. She was starting to notice that something was wrong – how could she not, after seven lifetimes? – and she wasn’t happy about Julian’s way of dealing with it.

“What is it?” she asked. “You’ve barely said a word, and the food on your plate is untouched. You’re not behaving at all like the Julian I know.”

Julian sighed. “I’ve been…preoccupied. I’ve got a lot on my mind, that’s all. Now, what were you saying?”

Jadzia tutted. “Don’t try that with me”, she said, shaking her head, “I’ve lived through seven lifetimes, so I know when a man is trying to hide something. Hell, I’ve been a man more than once. Now, spill it out. Is it the LMH project?”

Sighing, Julian shook his head. Oh, how he wished it were just the LMH project that was on his mind. How he wished that Doctor Zimmerman had never brought his parents on the station. How he wished that his parents hadn’t spilled out the damn secret.

“No”, he breathed, “no, it’s not about the project. It’s my parents.”

Jadzia tilted her head. “Did something happen with them? You’ve seemed a bit gloomy ever since they arrived here. With your father, you seemed almost… _angry_.”

Julian closed his eyes. Oh, he had been angry. He had been enraged at the way how his father had belittled his hurt, his feeling of betrayal. His parents had acted like Julian’s childhood intellectual difficulties had been something that had hurt them. They had framed it like it had been Julian’s fault that he hadn’t been bright enough, that he hadn’t measured up to the other children.

Julian had been a child and not intelligent enough for his parents.

“I take it that Captain Sisko or Chief O’Brien didn’t tell anyone about it”, Julian said, “which is a relief, to be honest. I need you to promise me that you won’t tell anyone about what I’ll tell you next.”

Jadzia nodded. “I’ll keep your secret. Should we go somewhere else to talk, or…?”

“No, here is fine”, Julian decided, “there’s so much noise that no one will hear us if we talk a bit quieter.”

“Go ahead, then”, Jadzia said, lowering her voice and leaning forward.

“Well”, Julian began, “you might not believe this, but as a child I was having learning difficulties. I was six years old, just having started school, and I couldn’t still tell basic shapes apart from each other. The others were learning to read and write, and I couldn’t tell a cat apart from a dog.”

Jadzia frowned. She looked so disbelieving that it made the corners of Julian’s mouth turn a bit upward in amusement. It was comforting, in a way, that no one could imagine Julian having intellectual difficulties, even as a child.

“You’re right; I don’t believe that”, Jadzia said quietly, “because that doesn’t sound like you. What changed?”

Julian smiled bitterly. “That’s just it. My parents decided that I, as a six-year-old, wasn’t intelligent enough for them. They took me off-world to a hospital. They had my genetics scrambled up like eggs and bacon to make me more intelligent, to make me…They decided they’d rather commit a crime to have a perfect son than to have a Jules who was a little slow to learn.”

“They _genetically altered_ you?” Jadzia whispered. There was horror – no, anger – on her face as she leaned toward Julian, as if it would help her understand his words better. “They…they committed a crime because you weren’t up to their standards? What – and they got no repercussions?”

Julian nodded. For twenty-five years, his parents had just gone on, living like they hadn’t committed one of the greatest taboos in the universe. For twenty-five years, Julian had had to hide his past from the others to fit in. For twenty-five years, Julian had hated what he was.

For twenty-five years, Julian had been unnatural because of his parents’ wishes, and nobody had known about it.

“Who else knows?” Jadzia asked hastily. “If Starfleet finds out…”

“They know”, Julian interrupted, “and so do Captain Sisko, Chief O’Brien, and Doctor Zimmerman. That’s why the LMH project couldn’t go on with me. My father went to prison to keep me from resigning. When it got out that I’d been altered, I decided to resign and told my parents to stop interfering, but… I guess they just needed to get that last word in, didn’t they?”

“So instead of listening to your wishes, they decided they know better”, Jadzia said, her voice laced with venom. “What kind of parents _do_ that? I’m sorry to say, Julian, but your parents don’t sound like the kind of people who were ready to have a child.”

“Well, at least we agree on that”, Julian muttered.

Sometimes Julian wished he’d been born bright. Sometimes he wished, just for a moment, that he could have been what his parents wanted of him, that they wouldn’t have had to commit a crime to get a child. But every time he caught himself wishing for such things, he instantly hated himself for it. After all, he should have been enough just the way he was, not the way his parents wanted him to be.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. No child deserves the horrors you went through.”

Julian looked up again. Jadzia’s eyes were full of sympathy and, for a fleeting second, Julian felt immensely grateful for the friendship he had with her. Jadzia wasn’t one for empty platitudes, not after seven lifetimes. She knew how to offer real sympathy, how to comfort people, even Julian.

“Thanks”, he whispered, “it’s not so bad, not anymore. I’ve learnt to live with it. What I’m having difficulties with is…I don’t know if I should forgive my parents or not. I feel like I’m expected to, but I’m not sure I can. Does that make any sense?”

“It does”, Jadzia said, “and I don’t think you should if you feel like you can’t. They violated your trust! What they did…it was wrong. If such a thing had been done to me, I would feel unlovable. If my parents only could love me for being smart, it would not be real love, not in my opinion, anyway.”

Julian nodded. Jadzia was right; he did feel like his parents hadn’t really loved him before he had been altered. After all, what would they have gained from a child with disabilities?

“The thing that really rubs me the wrong way is that they just erased your disabilities”, Jadzia said suddenly, “as if you had less value when you had them. As if they couldn’t love you when you were disabled. It just does not fit my worldview.”

“Yeah”, Julian muttered, “neither does it fit mine.”

Shaking her head, Jadzia patted Julian’s shoulder. “Well, unfortunately I can’t change it to make you feel better. Instead, you should eat up. That usually helps with being sad, doesn’t it? I may be no doctor, but I know you well enough to know that.”

Julian chuckled and took a mouthful of his couscous. “Oh, it does”, he agreed. “Thanks for listening to my worries. It helped a bit.”

Jadzia grinned and ordered some chocolate cake for both of them. Somehow, Julian felt lighter than at the beginning of their dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> Comint?


End file.
